Time Out

I was going to make my second post about life after caregiving, but I saw an article at CNN.com which made me change my mind. I am not the most political person, but I do occasionally watch the news or get bored with work and check out the news on the web. The article I am referring to http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/30/galanos.plan.b/index.html talks about Plan B and the fact that 17 year olds can get it without a doctor's prescription or permission of their parents.

Mike Galanso asks what is to prevent a 17 year old from buying Plan B and giving it to a 15 year old. First, I want to know any 17 year old who doesn't have an 18 year old friend or a fake ID. 18 year olds are of age and can get Plan B. What is to prevent them from buying it and giving it to their 12 year old sister, if you want to go that route?

The author also states that "Here's some perspective for you: In most states, minors can't get a tattoo, body piercings or go to a tanning salon without a parent's permission...". OK, in order for a 17 year old to get a tattoo, piercing, or tan, they physically have to be present. They don't have to be in the store in order to have someone buy them Plan B.

He does bring up one good point, Plan B is more powerful than the birth control pill, which in all states a doctor's prescription is necessary and most states will not allow a 17 year old to get it without their parents permission.

But the big point he is missing is that parents should be more open to listening to their children. It begins when they are small and should not stop just because they are teenagers and slam the door in your face. The parents must let them know that they can come and talk to them. They have to learn not to be judgemental. I know that this is not always easy. Everyone has their opinion, but when it comes to your children, your opinion doesn't always have to play a role. Just listen to what they are saying sometimes. Let their opinion be the one that counts and make them feel like they have a say in their lives and not just living the lives that you wish you had lived. Once a teenager realizes that are taken seriously, they are more likely to be open and honest.

If your teenager does come to you and says that they think they are ready for sex or already having sex, don't tell them they are the scum of the earth. Listen, really listen. They may not be ready and being able to talk openly will let them come to their own decision. It may not be the one you want them to make, but if they know they can come to you, then they will be making more responsible decisions regarding protection and not just relying on Plan B.

What to Write About

When I first thought of doing a blog, I wondered what I would write about. I settled on Caregiving since that is what I presently know best. I am not talking about the person who stops by every now and then to say hi and see how things are going, and then complains about having to do that much. I am talking about those of us who are there 24/7. Who sees the person every day and doesn't have to ask how they are doing, they just know. The person who has given up their lives in order to care for their loved one. Yes, when you take on this job, you lose a large portion of your life. You are not the one who always say that you are doing it because your loved one gave so much up for you. Oh, sometimes you do, but there are more times that you wonder why you are doing it. Why you have given up so much for this person, no matter how much they love you. If you say this out loud to someone who is not a Caregiver, you sound harsh and not a very nice person. Only another Caregiver understands what you mean. You say if I don't do it who will? That is something you think about constantly. You worry about getting sick because, if you do, you look around to see who else would or could step in. Even something as minor as a slight cold is reason to panic. You don't want to infect your loved one and make them sicker than they already are, but who takes care of them when you can't? And who takes care of you? There are other family members, but they are too old or too busy. They have lives.

And then there are friends, not friends of your loved one, but your friends. You don't have the time to see them. You have to decline invations to parties, go out to eat, or any other social event, because you are needed by your loved one. Unless they have gone or are going through this, many don't understand and just drift away. They may call now and then and ask how things are going and let's get together, but you know that your time has to be devoted to you loved one.

If you are lucky(?), you work out side the home. That is a two edge sword. You get out and get to talk to others about something other than the person you care for, but there is the fact you have to have someone come in to care for your loved one. Having someone come into your home is a whole other post. And there is the worry. If your loved one needs constant care, you have to make sure that the person stays the whole time you are at work. If you have a late meeting or get stuck in traffic, can they stay? If your loved one can be left for a few hours alone, will they be OK? What if they fall and can't get to the phone? Do you have a home monitoring system installed? And will they be able to use it? That is why I say you are lucky(?) to be working outside the home.

That is what I was going to write about, but my days as a Caregiver are over. My mother died March 1.